Night in the PICU

This night, Hudson needed to be checked every hour.  Jackson tried to sleep in the chair, and I climbed in bed with Hudson.  I went to sleep at midnight and tried to sleep until 3 in the morning.  In that amount of time, he threw up on me 3 times and was woken up every hour to check vitals.  The crazy thing about this is, I felt as though I had slept a good long night.  (another thing I would consider a tender mercy)  Although I couldn't get the sleep I needed, I was given the feeling of rest and strength.
I know that sometimes Heavenly Father doesn't take the trial from us, but we are given the strength and capacity to get through it.
 Hudson would cry for water, but all we could give him was a tiny sponge with a little water on it about once every hour.  It was hard to see him so miserable.  At this time, he would cry and moan, but he was sweet and quiet.  I woke up with him at 3 AM and we read together.  I showed him books and talked with him.  He wanted to color out at the table, but he was connected to many chords and his neck brace made it hard to look down.  He also had things taped to his fingers so he couldn't hold crayons.  We pulled a lap table over, but he couldn't color.  This upset him, but he was able to do a sticker book with me.  This was a very special time with him.  His voice was raspy and soft and he didn't smile yet, but he was tender and sweet.  I don't want to forget this time with him.

Tender Mercies

When the Bishop came, he came with his cute wife who has also become on of my friends.  She brought a pad of paper with (okay, can't remember the saying) something on the front that means, notice the blessings around you.  She said it would be good to write the things down where you can see the Lord's hand at work.  I appreciated this, because although I had no time to write anything in the hospital, it was in the front of my mind to notice and remember the tender mercies of God amidst the struggles.  I realize sometimes they are harder to see when you are in it, but looking back they are there all along the way.
One blessing, I knew was a gift from God is, the day before this happened I had decided to not clean or workout, or do any of my regular routines.  I wanted to focus on the kids.  I knew Jacks and I would be leaving on business in the next couple weeks and wanted to create time for the kids.  I like packing early, so I can use the time before I leave focusing on them. I had been having a feeling for a couple of weeks "notice Hudson".  So that morning, I said "okay Hudson, it's your day, I will do whatever you want.  We can play any game or any activity, you pick."  He chose to play basketball in our basement (no shock) Normally, he can play with Korv or by himself while I work out, but today I played:)  He beet me, and kept tabs by writing it on a paper, it was darling.  He put me and Korv on a team against him.  He told us how many points each shot was and if something we did was against the rules, also putting foul shots in place.  We had a good time and played for a long time, and then I was ready to go get ready for the day, but Korv said it was his turn, so I said "okay I can give you ten minutes" (I realize even ten minutes goes a LONG way with children and playing with them)  He picked "lazer tag"  I had a nerf gun, Korv used a fake gun and Hudson had a nerf gun.  We had to hide, then jump out, run around and pretend to shoot each other:)  It was pretty funny.
I then let them know we had a picnic in the kitchen today, so they needed to go find blankets to lay out on the kitchen floor.  I got ready and then we had our PB&J picnic.  Just putting it on a blanket made it exciting in our home.  Hudson then went to school, but right when he got home, I took him with the other two to wheeler farms, to walk around and see the animals.
I had wanted to finish packing this day, but instead I spent the entire day with the kids, something you can never regret.  Normally I do floors on wednesday, and bathrooms on thursday, none of this got done, and in the hospital I was so grateful that I had not spent my time doing that.  I waited until all the kids were asleep, and then I went and finished packing.

David A. Bednar  (Tender Mercies of the Lord, April 2005)
"the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits “his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men” (D&C 46:15). -

"I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them."

Friends and Family

After we got into his room in the PICU, Jackson's dad and my mom arrived.  Jackson and his dad were able to give him a priesthood blessing along with Patrick and Ryan.  My mom and I stood by straining to hear what he was saying, but unable to hardly hear a thing.  So I asked him how he felt, Jackson said he felt good about it.  That didn't give me the peace and knowledge I was hoping for, just cause I couldn't tell what was said.  But I was glad he had at least received a blessing.  I asked for one for myself and they gave me one.  Very short and sweet, blessing me with peace and comfort.  Again not much information, but much needed.
Jackson's mom was able to go get my kids from the neighbors and take care of them.  This was so nice to have them taken care of for as long as was needed.  Friends of mine just wanted to do something, to help, one told me she kept saying "I need to go get her kids!"  Everyone felt so helpless.  Her husband said,"you are going to go take them from their grandma?"  We joked that she said "yes, yes I am" everyone just wanted to DO something, but at this time there wasn't much any of us could do.

The nursing staff was very strict that we could only have two in the room at a time.  So even Jackson and I would have to step out to allow some people to get to see him.  One time the nurse took me on a tour of the area to show me how to get around.  They had a snack station...that's all I remember.  I am bad with directions and knew I would be all turned around any way.  So, I just cried the whole time and asked her what I can expect from this.  She assured me that some children can have a full recovery and that he is looking good.  Doctor's let me know, even if he comes out whole, they can't predict whether this can affect if he "will get a B in science rather than an A".  Hmmm not so comforting, I know how hard it is to know what the repercussions are, you can't see from an image or a picture if there will be side affects that are unforeseen. (not so comforting)
Family started pouring in to see him; we literally had a waiting room full of immediate family:)  They are so awesome.  Mine and Jackson's brother's and sisters, in-laws mom's and Dad's.  Patrick brought deluxe donuts for all of them to have.  We had to switch out to have people see him, but I think it was comforting and therapeutic for everyone to be together.  So much love poured in, along with food and prayers.  Hudson had complained of being hungry and thirsty since we were on the helicopter, the poor thing couldn't eat until we knew he wouldn't have to go to surgery.  So he cried for food and drink but we couldn't let him, he also was continuing to throw up into his neck brace.
Jackson and I began recieving dozens of texts at a time, we didn't have time to read them, but it meant sooo much to see how many people were thinking of us and praying for us!!
That evening after everyone was gone the bishop of our ward along with his wife, arrived with a bag (humongous bag!!) full of items the ward had gathered for us.  It had everything from books, magazines, nail polish, healthy food and yummy snacks, money for gas and notes from little friends of Hudson's.  This brought in such a feeling of love and support.  We couldn't believe how many people were aware and willing to help.  How do we thank everyone??  We just wanted to tell everyone how much this meant to us.  Words cant express.

Tests and more tests

Jackson took this picture as we flew over him.

Jackson was on his way to Primary's, he had been downtown at work.  He was winding through roads not sure how to get there, then he saw the helicopter fly over head.  Knowing that was his little boy.  He was able to tell which direction to go because of life flight.
We arrived at the hospital and were rushed to get a cat scan.  During it I could be in the room, but not right next to him.  He began throwing up all over the place.  He had a neck brace on, and they were careful to not let him move, so they turned him on his side, stiff as a board to throw up out the side.  It was a lot with blood in it.
Jackson finally arrived and I sat down, I didn't feel I could stand.  Him being there brought so much comfort and strength.  He would kiss my forehead and put his arm around me.  I just wanted him to sit by me, but he wanted to actively see what was going on.  Hudson had continued to ask for Dad, so we were happy to let him know dad was here.
We then were taken to the PICU (primary intensive care unit)  He went on to throw up at least every couple hours the next day and a half.  He was having so many tests going on, it was a whirlwind.  We started getting results back.  They had asked me if he had been sick with a cold, because his left ear was full of fluid.  He hadn't been sick , so that didn't sound good to me.
We found out he had a fracture above his right ear towards the back of his head that y's out in three directions.  When they showed us the image it was more disturbing than both of us expected.  It took up such a large portion of his skull.  Part of it was pushed under the other side, which my have been cause for surgery, so we had to wait to see if he needed surgery on that, and there was bleeding on the brain underneath that, which was the most concerning.  If this increased we would need to go in for surgery.
Hudson continued to cry about his left ear, but we weren't sure why, later (it felt long hours later) results came back from different imaging that the fracture, extended across his forehead all the way over to his left ear.  Which explains his ear being full of blood and why it was hurting him.
Everyone wanted to know how he was dong this day, he stayed responsive, miserable, and smart.  He could always answer questions and he remembered everything, this gave us such good hope.  But we just didn't know much beyond that.
We were supposed to get another cat scan Friday morning which felt so far away.  They came in and let us know they were moving it up for an hour away.  The cat scan did not show an increase in blood, this is an answer to our prayers, our first good news from the results!!!  We were so grateful to hear this.    We then went on to learn that the specialists reviewed the skull and decided to just leave it, so no surgery again. Again, such good news.  He may have a bump on his head the rest of his life there, but that is just fine:)  He had swelling outside the skull which is expected for this and not concerning.  We were so grateful to be getting good news.  But this didn't take away from my deep concern of how his brain will heal and what this means long term for us.

Life Flight

We got this picture from a neighbor

The police started to arrive along with medical teams.  I never heard one siren, I was in a world of silence.  The only person I heard and saw was the one that took Hudson's head and was assessing him for injuries, the only thing he zoned in on was his head.  I don't remember what he said, but I knew that it was very concerning.  At this point one of my greatest fears was confirmed, he has done great damage to his head and that is where he landed.  I had kept the strong hope that he had landed on other parts of his body, but this analysis told me that was almost the only thing they cared about for now.  He said we will be taking him on life flight.  I sent out a text to as many family members as my shaky hands could find in my phone saying "Pray for Hudson", then later "Life flight, primary children's".

This was eerily similar to an event that occurred about a year and a half ago in our family.  Easton is my sister's baby boy and he was ran over by a car, which resulted in a fractured skull.  Similar texts were sent out and I knew, she couldn't ride in life flight with her little guy. I turned to them and said, "I won't be able to go with him, will I?"  They responded that I might.  I clung to that... Might.  Why Might? I have never known someone to go with their child in life flight, but if it's a possibility, please make this happen!!  They, put him on a stretcher and lifted him into the ambulance in our circle, they continued to  take care of him.  I asked if I needed shoes, they said yes go get them.  I ran into my house.  I wanted normalcy and I wanted to do things you would never do in this situation, like brush my teeth and put my make up on. I refrained, but with tears running down my face, I grabbed my mascara and put it in my back pocket.  (mascara of all make-up items, definitely not using that for at least the next three days due to my constant stream of tears and puffy red eyes)
I grabbed my boots, slipped them on and ran back to Hudson's side.
(update) My sweet neighbor stopped by about a month later and told me she was outside, she said as she drove to work adn throughout the day she couldn't get the image of me in complete shock ou of her head.  She let me know the people surrounding me repeatedly told me, "put on your shoes...you need to put on your shoes"  and I didn't move or respond.  They finally came to me and about 3 of them helped me put on my boots and zip them up.  Once she told me this I can remember them surrounding me and physically helping me put my boots on.
We heard that one of the responder's commented that the way he was responding was much better than they ever expect from this kind of a fall.  They said normally with this same scenario they would have to be doing a lot of things just to stabilize and take care of the patient, so they kept saying, "what should we do?  What do we need to be doing"  and the head guy would say, "nothing, we just need the helicopter." He also said, the other EMT who is not religious commented that their was an angel that caught this kid.

I never noticed anything, but other's told me the circle was filled with vehicles, a large firetruck, two ambulances, and about 6 cop cars.  Cop cars went to the end of our circle and blocked off that road so the life flight could land in the street.  He was in the ambulance at the time, so we walked from there down to life flight, as I did this it felt so surreal. I started to notice how many people were coming out of their homes and apartments from across the street (all of them looking like unfamiliar faces).  Most of them had their phone held high in order to video tape what was happening.
They let me know I can go with him, this was incredible news.  I sat at his feet, with someone across from me, I don't even remember if someone was sitting next to me or not.  Much of this time I can't remember.  A friend reminded me that I talked to her at this time, She had already heard and I answered her phone call saying, "I can't talk, do you know what happened?" Through sobs she said yes, I told her he is responsive, and tell everyone to pray for him, then we hung up.
Her reminding me of this phone call eased me a little, because I don't remember much I thinking back on it, I wondered if I was praying.  I always assumed in this type of situation that I would pray harder than I have ever prayed.  I loved that in my sisters time of need she was praying out loud without even realizing it.  I hated that I couldn't remember what I did.  But I was reminded, that I sent out texts saying to pray for Hudson and I remember sitting in the helicopter having my mind wander to every worst case scenario possible.  I knew this wasn't healthy or helpful, so I remember praying for the ability to frame this situation in my mind in a way that is best for the time being.  We lifted off and the time even flew.  I remember the guy across from me mouthing, he is doing okay, are you okay? I don't know my response.  I got two calls one from a sister and one from a brother, I couldn't hear a thing but tried to say to them. He is responsive, just pray for him.

For those of you who don't know about sweet little Easton; here is what I wrote in my blog of Easton's experience.  Knowing how things took place with Easton prepared me for how things would play-out for me, from the helicopter ride, to how the Lord's peace can bring comfort even when it doesn't seem like you could be comforted.  Prayers of other's were tangible at that time.
We had a miraculous event occur in our family this past week. It has been an emotional crazy time that left us in awe and gratitude for the Lord's hand in our lives. I have learned many things in the past few days but most importantly I have learned how close God is and how tangible prayers are.

Read Amy Egbert's blog to get a full account (my little sis)

Patrick spoke of the drive to the hospital after receiving a phone call from the police officer. The police informed him that his baby boy had just been ran over. Patrick immediately said a prayer and felt peace, he referred to Philippians 4:6-7 in 7 it talks about the "peace of God which passeth all understanding" In the midst of one of the hardest times in their lives, Amy and Patrick were filled with the peace of God. I know that we can get through hard times as long as we continue to keep God close in our lives. With him we can find peace and joy.

Amy speaks of Heaven never being closer than those moments of holding Easton and praying out loud for his guardian angels to be with him. That night she was reading her scriptures and opened up to D&C 38:7 "mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me." She had felt his presence. That night she held her baby and just opened up her scriptures to this page, she knew that Heavenly father was aware of her.

http://egbertlove.blogspot.com/2011/05/ups-downs.html (here is her account of the event)

The Fall

The carpet cleaners came to my home, so we cleared all the furniture out and I put the three little ones up in my master bedroom. (located above our garage) I put them in my bed and turned on a show.  They had been in my room about 10 minutes when I was about to vacuum the stairs; I heard Korv say, “Mom, Hudson fell out the window!”. 

Hudson had heard the cleaners outside and wanted to see what was going on.  He went over to the window and opened it up.  Our window is very large and close to the ground, it starts about a foot and a half off the ground.  He and Korv stood side by side (they are the best of buds) looking out the window.  Hudson pushed his forehead against the screen to try and lean out and look at the cleaning van.  He says he kept pushing more and more until the screen gave way and he came tumbling down over a small roof line onto the cement.  He remembers “flipping” over the little roof and falling.  (Later, he said it didn’t hurt, but it felt like a shot, just hurting a little)

Korver was on the side with the glass next to him, so he shows how he hung on to that and looked over the ledge to see Hudson down below.  Later I asked him if he felt any guilt, because I know children take things on they shouldn’t.  I asked him “Korv, do you think you did anything wrong?”  He said, “I think I did wrong cause I pushed him out the window.” I asked him why he thought that and he explained that when Hudson was falling out the window, Korv tried to grab him, but he couldn’t.  His hand made contact with his back and then Hudson continued to flip and fall.  He shows how Hudson’s neck was cranked forward and where he hit the rain gutter before going over the edge.  I could tell he didn’t like seeing how much his little neck was cranked down to his chest.  I told him, "Korv, that wasn’t your fault!  The screen gave way and he was already falling, you were only trying to help him!"  He got sooo excited and said, “mom, can I go tell Hudson that?”  He wanted Hudson to know that he didn’t push him out the window. 

He says he then ran to the bed and cried (he said it sounded like a cry when Hudson takes something from him), and I was all of a sudden just there.  He doesn’t ever say he came and told me.  I can picture how he would yell out with a crying voice, "Hudson" and be extremely concerned. 

I never heard him cry, I only heard an urgent, calm voice say, “Mom, Hudson fell out the window” 

 I ran up the stairs into my bedroom to see the window wide open, with the screen gone.  I hoped the little ledge had caught him, I looked out and saw my 6 year old little Hudson at least 14 feet down below crumpled on the cement drive way.  I am grateful that this image is a fog in my mind, I can’t see exactly how he was lying, which helps, because I have traumatic nightmares of him falling and I don’t see that image clearly.
When i ran to the window, I had a panicked helpless feeling, like I dropped him.  I felt like he slipped out of my hands. (It's the same panicked feeling that wakes me up at nights)  He was so close to me, and it happened so fast. There was nothing I could do to change it.

The carpet cleaner was going out to get some things, when he heard something give way (the screen) and watched little Hudson roll over the small roof line and fall to the ground.

I saw the carpet cleaner down below staring at him, in a panic I yelled something like “Why aren’t you helping him!!?”  Honestly I think he was in shock.  Then I flew down my stairs and out my door to him.  I remember flying down the stairs it felt like I was literally flying or floating.  I remember words coming out of my mouth; I think I just said “Hudson” in the most horrified way.  The cleaner was doing everything appropriate.  He said, " I just didn’t want to move him and I am calling 911”.  I scooped his little head and arms into my lap while I knelt on the driveway. (Knowing this was the wrong thing to do, but unable to stop myself from doing so)  I remember not knowing if I should call 911, and thinking that may not be necessary.  I am so grateful for people all along the way that didn’t listen to me in my shocked state and did what needed to be done.

I can’t picture in my head how he was laying, but I remember thinking his arms look folded weird and he looked somewhat crumpled, not sprawled out at all. Hudson had blood coming out of his nose, but that is the only place you could see blood. Another thing I was so grateful for, because he is such a sensitive guy, he hates seeing anyone get hurt.  He hates seeing blood on people, that is very disturbing for him.

Hudson was responsive from the moment I found him; a miracle in and of it’s self.  While scooping him into my arms I was saying, “Hudson, are you okay, are you okay?” I wish it was in a sweet tone, but it was more horrified, forceful and frantic.  “Oh Hudson, are you okay. How do you feel?”  He just moaned and didn’t move much.  I felt much emotion, even some anger.  I didn’t let the anger show but I was thinking, “Why did you DO that Hudson, WHY would you do that?”  He is so smart and cautious; it is out of his character to put himself in a situation to be able to fall out the window.

I asked him, “What is your name?”  He was able to softly say Hudson, “how old are you?” again he was able to respond, “6”.  This was comforting.  But he was whimpering and moaning, not wanting to move.

 The cleaner was on the line with 911 and giving them all the information, this was a huge relief to not have to worry about that, I could focus on letting Jackson know and family know.

I picked up the phone to call Jackson, I was in shock and unable to function very well, I couldn’t think of how to access phone numbers, or what Jackson was listed as under my contacts (Jacks) or how to make it work to call him. Through shaking hands and a befuddled brain I was able to dial him but he didn’t answer I knew he was in a meeting.  I then tried to call my mom, no answer, and then my sister Amy, no answer. I then slowly figured out how to text Jackson, “emergency”.  I then called him again, and he had removed himself so he could answer.

I was unable to speak very well but I got out that Hudson had fallen out of the window; I think that’s all I said.  Jackson got more information from overhearing the cleaner speaking to the dispatcher on 911. I tried to tell him, “let my parents and your parents know”.  

Jackson said he was leaving work, I was in such shock I thought, “umm, maybe you don’t need to do that, you can just wait and see how this is playing out.”

My neighbor’s little girl looked out the window and told her mom, “Hudson is bleeding and his mom is with him.” So she thought, okay well I am sure his mom is taking care of him and it wasn’t a big deal.  When she stood up to leave the room she got a glimpse of me holding him and immediately knew something was very wrong, she noticed the screen severely bent on the driveway, and hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was.

She came to me saying, “what happened?”  I let her know he fell out of the window.  She hugged me and She asked if she could go get my two little ones upstairs, and I told her I thought they were fine, and then I said, I guess you can go check on them if you want? (not thinking about the wide-open window with no screen that my 1 ½ year old could toddle over to along with my 4 year old, wanting to know what was going on)  In my head I thought, I can tell she wants to do something, so for her sake she can go check on them. 

I am so glad she didn’t listen to me; she ran upstairs, grabbed both children and took them to her home without telling me.  I heard Oaklie cry a little, which was good, because it made me glance over to see them going into her home and know they were taken care of.  

Later She told me through tears, “the only thing I can’t get out of my mind is the look on your face, I just wanted to hold you.  But, I thought I would be of more help getting your other children out.”
The perimedics went on to cut off his shirt, which worried him. "please don't let them cut my belly"  and he kept mentioning, "I am okay, I don't wan to go to the hospital!"  He aslo told me he didn't want to go to school that day, and he loves school.

My Little Precious Hudson

I just got home from the hospital with my little Hudson who is 6 years old, we have been through the traumatic event of him falling out of a 2 story window onto his head landing on our cement driveway.

I have created this blog to let all of our friends and family that have loved and supported us through this know what happened and how it happened.  It has been hard to get the information out and tell everyone how this occured and how we are doing.  So I thought it would be nice to put it out there.
Just a little disclaimer, I am long winded, so I told my husband to write his version for all you men:)  He can relay the entire event in a paragraph, however getting him to do it is another story.  Also, I am finding it hard to get through typing this out.  Emotionally it's hard, but theraputic. And time wise, it's hard to fit in.  I am still puttering around my home trying to accomplish things, but getting nothing done.  I move things around and start tasks that I don't ever finish. So, sorry it's going to be a little info at a time.

 We also have had many people who don't know us well, that are praying for us and supporting us.  We are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support that has been shown.  We can't believe how far reaching and wide spread the support has gone, we don't have words to express how grateful we are to all of you.
So, this is for all of you, and a good way to document the experience for me.

We love and appreciate hearing from you.  The constant texts, phone calls and visits have buoyed us up.  So please let us know you stopped by the blog.  We also want your side of the strory if you were part of this experience, even if it is small.  I would like to document it for us in the future.